


Love Again

by aqonyx



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Adorable, Amnesia, Angst, Baekchen - Freeform, Baekhyun - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Chen - Freeform, Chenbaek - Freeform, Cute, Developing Relationship, EXO - Freeform, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Jongdae - Freeform, M/M, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28842459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqonyx/pseuds/aqonyx
Summary: It’s always been Baekhyun and Jongdae together, for as long as either of them could possibly remember. From their rocky debut years to bagging award shows, from empty fan signs to sold out stadium tours and from their tiny dorms to the top of the entire world.But then, one ill-fated night changes everything, turning their fairy-tale lives into nothing more but empty pages and Baekhyun doesn’t know how to rewrite their story if Jongdae can’t remember how the plot went.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	Love Again

**Author's Note:**

> Just BaekChen for my bruised BaekChen heart.

Baekhyun didn’t wish for much in the new year. He rarely did anymore.

There were the very basic things that he’d always come up with whenever the occasion asked for it – health, happiness and maybe even success. 

But all in all, Baekhyun was happy. His dreams had become true more than he had ever thought they would, and he was grateful for that, always and without fail, regardless of the hardship or the responsibility that came with it at times.

Even in his worst moments, he wouldn’t trade his present life for anything in the world, not his job, not his fans, not his loved ones. Ever.

If he could wish for one thing, it would probably be that he could live on as he did in that very moment for a long time to come, no matter how stereotypical it may sound.

“I can’t tell if he’s drunk or getting emotional or both”, Chanyeol’s voice interrupted his thoughts right then, waving a hand in front of his face with an expression that conveyed half-hearted worry and a good portion of amusement.

Baekhyun blushed a little, not that anyone would notice with how red his complexion had already become, many thanks to the alcohol. 

He swatted Chanyeol’s hand away, swaying a little before leaning against Jongdae’s shoulder; comforting, warm, always present. 

“It’s your turn”, Jongdae smiled, blinding as usual, and nudged his side a little.

“Ah, yes…”, Baekhyun glanced around the room, seeing everyone’s expectant eyes resting on him, “Wait, what are we doing?”

Everyone around him broke into laughter, the sound of it all so familiar to Baekhyun that it genuinely made him smile along, not a care in world for how embarrassing his drunken self might be as long as there was happiness surrounding him. 

“Your new years wishes”, Junmyeon reminded him and threw a bunched-up paper napkin at his face, “We’re going around the table”

_Right._

That’s how he came to think of all this in the first place. _Silly._

“I just wish that everything stays the same”, he spoke quietly, looking down at his hands in mild embarrassment. It had definitely all sounded better in his head. 

“Ah, you’re so boring, really”, Sehun complained at once, rolling his eyes at the older.

“ _You’re so boring, really_ ”, Baekhyun imitated mockingly, though he wasn’t really surprised, and stuck out his tongue at Sehun in response. Very mature, of course. Very Baekhyun too. 

“Obviously the new year will be different”, Baekhyun continued with a glare into Sehun’s direction, “But I’m happy. I just wish to continue to be happy as I am right now”

He squeezed Jongdae’s hand under the table without being aware of it.

Chanyeol being Chanyeol, stood up and started to clap loudly, acting as if Baekhyun had just delivered his acceptance speech for the Nobel Price. 

Jongin couldn’t stop laughing at that, his high-pitched giggles bouncing loudly off the walls of their private room until Kyungsoo pinched his arm a little, even if he couldn’t fight the smile blooming on his own face. 

“He’s just trying to act mature”, Jongin exclaimed and then jokingly put his hands out in front of him as if he were begging. “Just gold for me, please”, he repeated Baekhyun’s words from an interview they had done so many years ago. 

Sehun high-fived him like it was the funniest thing in the world, quality humour really, and Minseok laughed quietly to himself, shaking his head a little at their two youngest in a mixture of fondness and amusement.

Then, when Junmyeon’s phone lit up as expected and Yixing’s phone-call came through, everyone jumped to their feet to crowd around their leader in excitement.

Baekhyun stayed behind for just a moment to take in the familiar chaos; mingled words and voices all babbling at once as everyone tried to squeeze their faces into Junmyeon’s camera, the joy and excitement that buzzed through the air so intensively, it almost felt tangible, and the sheer comfort of being all together, being with each other still, after such a long time and hopefully for a lot longer too. 

Jongdae turned around then to look for Baekhyun, tilting his head a little with a questioning smile before extending a hand towards him. 

_Yeah_ , Baekhyun thought to himself as he lazily let Jongdae pull him up and forwards until he was squeezed into the way too small circle that they had formed around Junmyeon’s phone, feeling Jongdae’s arm move around his waist, _He was lucky_. 

“Happy New Year”, Yixing said and waved cutely, “I’m sorry I can’t stay long”

“It’s just five more minutes”, Junmyeon said with a frown when Yixing’s name was called out repeatedly in the background, “And it’s late, what are you still up to?”

“I have a schedule”, the reply came as expected, as always, but the genuine smile on Yixing’s face made up for it, “It’s not New Year’s here. I have to work”

“It’s not really New Year’s for us either”, Chanyeol pointed out, “But who doesn’t want an excuse to celebrate twice, right?”

Yixing laughed at that and Baekhyun’s chest tightened a little. He really missed him so much.

“I’m sorry, guys, I really have to go”, Yixing sighed with an apologetic smile, his camera blurring a little as he rushed down a fluorescent bright hallway, people buzzing all around him, “I love you”

“ _Don’t overwork_ ”

“ _Come visit us soon_ ”

“ _Call again_ ”

“ _Love you too_ ”

They all yelled their goodbyes into Junmyeon’s poor phone, barely letting him hang up in time before everyone around them already started to countdown. One minute to go.

Cheerful chaos erupted in the room all over again and Baekhyun was a little overwhelmed at first, his head buzzing with joy and excitement and tipsiness. 

It was a little funny, he thought, because they were all just work colleagues. But to him, they were family too. They were his friends with whom he’d grown up with, with whom he had spent more time than with anyone else in his life and who knew him better than he knew himself. They were a family of a different kind, but a family nevertheless.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see Jongdae pass through the room, accompanied by the sound of delightful laughter. Maybe, he just wished that the people closest to him could continue to be happy. That would always be enough to him.

 _5_.

Out of nowhere, Sehun shoved his phone into Baekhyun’s face, interrupting his thoughts and startling him. He was filming, or being live on instagram, Baekhyun couldn’t really tell, but he just gave the brightest smile he could manage before pushing him away, laughing.

 _4_.

Behind him, Chanyeol and Minseok had started to sing an old folklore song with Kyungsoo faintly harmonising in the back, flexing without even trying. 

_3_. 

Baekhyun panicked for a moment, his eyes scanning the room frantically before he even knew what he was looking for.

 _2_.

Jongdae came up behind him then, hugging him tightly and Baekhyun felt calm at once, his heart bursting into happy confetti. When he turned around, Jongdae was smiling at him, beautiful as always, like the stars, like the moon, like everything precious on earth. 

_1_.

Baekhyun hesitated for a split second trying to assess the look on Jongdae’s face, but he was just beaming brightly at Baekhyun, like a ray of sunshine, and it was blinding and very much distracting. 

_Happy New Year_.

He didn’t care anymore then, couldn’t stop himself when he gently cupped Jongdae’s face and kissed him.

Jongdae was taken by surprise. Baekhyun could tell by the way he stumbled backwards in the first instance, freezing up like he was waiting for Baekhyun to chicken out again. 

Not this time.

Baekhyun’s hands settled around Jongdae’s waist, warm and reassuring, and Jongdae relaxed a little more with every touch. He couldn’t keep himself from falling apart just a little, melting into Baekhyun’s embrace, and he definitely couldn’t keep himself from falling for Baekhyun a little more, like he had done almost every day for as long as he could remember.

It wasn’t your typical drunken and careless kind of New Year’s kiss. The kind that people forget about, or worse even, remember with regret the next morning. 

No.

It was so much softer than it should have been really, gentle and slow. 

Although the feeling of Baekhyun’s lips moving against his own wasn’t entirely unfamiliar, Jongdae felt like threading through uncharted territory all over again, every step embellished with a pleasant surprise, always a little different, always exciting, always addicting. 

Baekhyun deepened the kiss when Jongdae reciprocated his movements, one hand settling around Jongdae’s neck, the other moving around his waist, and Baekhyun was lost in the feeling of it all. 

There was a warmth that radiated from Jongdae, making Baekhyun’s insides feel bubbly and fuzzy, triggering the same old-new kind of emotion within him that he could never quite identify but that he could never get enough of either, and it left him breathless despite the sweetness of their kiss.

When they eventually pulled away, Baekhyun was at a loss for words, mind blank and heart racing.

He couldn’t help but blatantly stare at Jongdae, so up close, so irresistible; his lips beautifully red and curved into a small smile, a faint flush on the apples of his cheeks, his eyes full of light and brightness, looking at Baekhyun like he always has and like he never did before all at once.

In all honesty, Baekhyun didn’t know much about where they were standing or where their relationship was headed. Jongdae, very much like himself, could be so puzzling; always kind and always affectionate, giving Baekhyun just enough to draw him in every time, but never enough to clarify his stance. Baekhyun was following him blindly, clueless on what the end destination would be, but if he got to spend the entire journey with Jongdae, the outcome didn’t seem all too important to him.

So yes, Baekhyun was clueless on many things when it came to Jongdae, even when it came to himself, but if he knew one thing for sure, it was that right then, with Jongdae looking at him like that, he went into the new year with everything he could possibly ever ask for.

“Happy new year”, Baekhyun said lamely after a while and broke into a lopsided grin, eyes crinkling into half moons and Jongdae automatically mirrored his expression.

“Happy new year”, came the response, followed by laughter, followed by an arm wrapped around Baekhyun’s middle to pull him closer until Jongdae could press an obnoxious kiss to his cheek, “You look cute when you’re happy”

“You make me happy”, the words just came tumbling out, Baekhyun’s brain to mouth filter, which already struggled on the daily, entirely out of order at a time like this.

He blushed, not even surprised when Jongdae pushed him away with a groan and a playful roll of his eyes.

“You’ve become a walking cliche”

“Just for you”, Baekhyun jested with a pout.

Jongdae chuckled a little, blinking his eyes like he always did when he was laughing before pulling himself together and looking at Baekhyun a little more seriously this time.

He reached out, lightly brushing some stray hair strands away from Baekhyun’s eyes. 

The atmosphere dimmed slightly - not in a bad way – but the light-heartedness of their banter slowly shifted into something heavier, something more unknown, something a little bit intimidating, and everything else faded into barely audible background noise. 

Jongdae’s hand was warm against Baekhyun’s cheek, his eyes a little confused, and Baekhyun felt like he’s lived through that very moment a million times over and over again. 

This was the look Baekhyun got every time when Jongdae was about to bolt, so much overthinking and uncertainty swimming in his dark pupils that they became a cloudy pit of mystery that Baekhyun found impossible to decrypt. 

They could push their boundaries as much as they wanted to and yet they never quite seemed to cross them. 

“I like you”, Jongdae then said quietly, unexpectedly, going against everything Baekhyun had known and anticipated until then, and it left him speechless. 

Despite the way his heart jumped a beat or two, Baekhyun could feel his blood run cold with too many emotions at once to put a name on any them. 

They had always liked each other. They were best friends, after all. But while the words were always the same, the meaning seemed to have changed over time. At least for Baekhyun, that is. 

He ran scared, because even if he was sure, somewhere in the deepest and darkest chamber of his mind and heart, that Jongdae meant it just like Baekhyun wanted him to, he couldn’t let himself believe it in that moment.

Jongdae’s confession seemed so out of character, so rash and random, so nothing like what Baekhyun is used to, that it made him hesitant and insecure. 

Eventually, he just forced a smile, half-heartedly giving a friendly push to Jongdae’s shoulder.

“I like you too, idiot. I think the alcohol’s getting to you”, he made an effort to cough up an awkward chuckle, diverting his eyes away from Jongdae’s pretty face.

“Maybe”, Jongdae sighed softly, still giving Baekhyun a genuine smile in return for his fake one.

He wasn’t mad. No, Jongdae didn’t really know what he’d been expecting in the first place and he wasn’t sure of what he was really trying to say, so maybe it was better this way.

It wasn’t rejection, after all. Not really. Baekhyun was a horrible liar, at least to the people who knew him well, and Jongdae could tell by the way Baekhyun refused to meet his eyes, by the way he bit his lip and by the shy smile forced onto his face that he was unsure and trying to evade the conversation.

For now, Jongdae decided to let him.

“I think I’m gonna head home”, he said quietly, and now that he’d mentioned it, he could genuinely feel his limbs aching a little from exhaustion, “I’m really tired”

He squeezed Baekhyun’s hand a little, letting him know that everything was alright, before heading for the wardrobe to get his coat.

It took a moment but Baekhyun eventually unfroze himself, thoughts racing, and he followed Jongdae. 

“Wait”, he called out, realising that a party without Jongdae just didn’t seem appealing to him either, “I’ll go with you”

Jongdae smiled a little, getting Baekhyun’s coat as well before holding out his hand for Baekhyun to take as they slowly stumbled to their familiar black van.

“You know you don’t have to”, Jongdae said when they stopped in front of the parking lot.

Baekhyun just gave him a bewildered look before aggressively ripping the door open and getting in as if to make a point.

Jongdae laughed a little, taking his seat next to him. 

“It’s no fun without you anyways”, Baekhyun said absent-mindedly, staring out the window as if it would make his words seem less cheesy somehow, and Jongdae smiled to himself, leaning his head against Baekhyun’s shoulder. 

They rode home in almost utter silence, which was so untypical for them that Baekhyun feared Jongdae might even hear his heartbeat and the many unordered, fleeting thoughts that crossed his mind at a hundred miles per second.

By the time they had made it into the living room, Baekhyun’s nerves had reached a breaking point, so high strung that he was surprised he couldn’t physically see them.

“I need another drink”, he mumbled more to himself than to Jongdae and made his way into the kitchen.

“Baekhyun”, Quiet footsteps followed his own like the voice calling after him until Jongdae was leaning against the doorframe, watching him attentively.

“What?”, Baekhyun asked when Jongdae remained quiet and reached for an open bottle of soju from the fridge. 

“Don’t?”, Jongdae said softly, not ordering him around, not lecturing him, just suggesting, patient as always.

He stepped closer, hesitantly taking the bottle from Baekhyun, who willingly let go, and put it back when he was met with no word of protest. 

“Thank you”, Jongdae mumbled, leaning closer until Baekhyun could feel his breath fan over his face.

“What do you want to do then?”, Baekhyun’s voice was a little shaky and he was sure Jongdae could pick up on it, his restlessness, the nervousness. He swallowed hard.

“I want you to at least _remember_ tonight”, Jongdae chuckled quietly, his hands fumbling a little with the hem of Baekhyun’s jumper.

He leaned in then, so close that Baekhyun knew he was screwed, Jongdae’s lips ghosting over Baekhyun’s jawline and the corners of his mouth, waiting for Baekhyun to act on it.

It wasn’t like Baekhyun really had a choice; he couldn’t help himself when it came to Jongdae, he’d already proven that once that evening, and he knew the other was baiting him, but he didn’t really care. 

He tilted his head just a little, just enough so Jongdae’s soft lips landed square on his own in another clumsy but sweet kiss. Baekhyun’s thoughts stopped for just a moment.

“So, you really like me, huh?”, he sing-songed stupidly when they pulled apart because, _again_ , no filter present, and Jongdae seemed to have a very debilitating effect on his brain too.

But Jongdae could see through it anyways. Baekhyun wasn’t asking to tease him even if he acted like it. Baekhyun was asking because he needed to hear it again, because he didn’t know what it meant and could mean, and because he was uncertain of whatever way Jongdae might have intended his words. 

“I fall for you a little more every day”, Jongdae said this time, leaving no space for misunderstandings.

Baekhyun had asked for it, he knew that. He had wanted to know for sure, to hear it for certain, but now that he did, he could feel all the air evade his lungs, unable to say anything at all. 

He had thought about it a lot; imagined many times what it would be like to hear those words from Jongdae, to finally have a defined stand and a clear shot.

But it always seemed so far out of reach that he’d never actually thought beyond that very moment. He’d never thought of what he’d reply, of how their relationship would change or of what he really wanted. 

And then, even if he was so entirely sure of what his heart was telling him, even if he knew without a doubt how he really felt about Jongdae, he still felt terrified.

Because apart from being his crush, Jongdae was so much more to Baekhyun, and he wasn’t sure he could risk everything he had for a future he wasn’t even sure would work out. 

“It’s okay”, Jongdae said softly as if reading Baekhyun’s mind and laced one of his hands with Baekhyun’s, “You don’t have to say anything”

He planted a kiss on the back of Baekhyun’s hand, his eyes warm and genuine. 

“I just needed you to know. New year and all”, Jongdae let out a small chuckle, “But nothing has to change. Not until you want it to”

He tipped Baekhyun’s head back so he could look him in the eyes.

“Okay?”, he asked and Baekhyun just nodded wordlessly. 

He didn’t understand how Jongdae was always be so patient. 

Maybe Jongdae just knew regardless of whatever Baekhyun did or didn’t say. It wouldn’t surprise him; Jongdae could always read him like an open book. 

“I’m really tired”, Baekhyun mumbled when the silence became a little too long to be comfortable. 

Not the most elegant response, but from the amusement swimming in Jongdae’s expression, he knew it was okay. They were okay. 

“Me too. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Another kiss, to Baekhyun’s forehead this time, so cheesy and affectionate that it made Baekhyun’s cheeks burn in mild mortification, before Jongdae turned to leave.

He stumbled a little when Baekhyun pulled on his hand, not letting go, but not following either. 

Jongdae shot a questioning look into his direction this time and Baekhyun was struggling to find the right words to ask for what he wanted without sounding like a child.

“Stay with me?”, he asked eventually, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Okay”, the answer was instant, no hesitation, no need for clarification, just a beautiful smile blooming on his face for the billionth time that night and Jongdae being his picture-perfect self, “ _Always_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it until here, Hi! 
> 
> Just setting the environment so far, it will hopefully move a little faster in the next few updates.  
> It's a canon universe, EXO is EXO, but the events that happen may be either diverging from reality in terms of timeframe and accuracy, or could be entirely made up.
> 
> Either way, I hope you will enjoy the story! 
> 
> Please feel free to leave a kudo or comment with ur thoughts, it always genuinely makes my day and motivates me. Also feel free to cry to me abt EXO or Baekchen or anything at any point haha
> 
> Much Love and thanks for reading,
> 
> Julie^^


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